Each time you speak, psychic energy is contained in the vibration of your voice.  Anyone whose had a reading with me knows that I connect to psychic information through the vibration of your voice.  I will also connect to the vibration of the first name of the person you are asking about. Asking the right question helps me sift through these millions of bits of information in order to hone in on what you need to know.  Ask the right question and you get answers that help you.  Most of my work however, involves people asking about how another person feels about them; rarely does anyone ask how they feel about themselves.  Let us not confuse this with how you feel about the other person or the situation. I am speaking about how one feels about themselves while in the situation. It can be tricky because it is so easy for us to focus on everyone else when it comes to emotions.   Trust me, I of all people understand how important it is to know what is happening with another person.  Especially if communication between people have broken down or if people have simply lost their way.  Understanding another’s experience is part of my empathic skill and it brings about better understanding and closeness to people that otherwise would just give up.  All of this is worthy of discussion and I wouldn’t change how I do what I do for a million dollars!  However, my most recent experience has opened my eyes in a new direction.  I am learning that what people are going through is not about the other person.  It is about how they feel about themselves while going through that experience.

It is an elusive situation. We can literally be blinded by how another person feels about us and completely ignore how we feel about ourselves in the circumstance. It can also be quite scary to even ask ourselves that question, but it can be quiet revealing as well. It can guide us toward the correct goals for ourselves and it can also deter us away from a path of unnecessary difficulty.

Recently a woman called me for a reading to ask about a job offer that she really wanted to take, but it would require a move to the east coast and a separation from a budding relationship. All of the aspects with the move and job looked great. I saw no problem in taking the offer. Of course a geographically inconvenient relationship would be a struggle, but I advised her that it would be worth the risk. As the reading progressed I sensed a lingering doubt about her moving forward in taking this job. Toward the end of our conversation I asked her why I sensed her hesitation in this move? She admitted that she herself felt that it would be a great opportunity, however she wanted to know how her dating partner felt about her and if it would be worth it to stay. Now, being that it is my profession to sense other peoples feelings, I was somehow thwarted! I could not for the life of me see or sense how the other person felt about my client while in this growing romance. Needless to say, I was frustrated and embarrassed that I could not answer, what was for me, such a routine question.

 

After an uncomfortable space in the conversation, I confessed to my lack of information in this matter.  My client was devastated and felt so confused and really did not want to mess up her life with such a rare opportunity in her career path.  Just then, like a lightening bolt, I heard “Ask her how she feels about  herself”.  I hesitated.  Again, I heard even louder….”Ask her how she feels about herself!”  I went ahead and followed through with the spiritual guidance and asked my client the direct question just as I heard it in my head.   With that, she said  if she moved to the east coast she would feel so proud of herself and excited about her growth and accomplishments.  After so many years of being stagnant and feeling low-self esteem, she finally started to gain confidence in her abilities.  Then she continued to say, if she stayed, she would feel like her old self from the past; not taking risks and hiding from challenges.  She admitted her feelings for her new relationship was wonderful, but I reminded her that was not the question. The question was, “How do you feel about yourself?”.  The answer to that question in making this decision would guide her in the right direction.

Although my client admitted that she still wasn’t sure what she was going to do, it was refreshing to remember how far she’d come in her life.  She had spent so many years losing what she had gained; all due to sacrifices in taking risks on other people.  She never considered that this opportunity was the time for her to take a risk on herself.  She never considered how she felt about herself in this situation.  Her mind was so conditioned to only think of others, but at the expense of herself.   Her feelings for another person although strong would leave her feeling bad about herself.  What she wanted to know from me was if her bad feelings about herself would be worth it, if the other person had even stronger feelings for her.   I, fortunately was not able to answer that question, because it would not have given her the correct information to make a good decision.  She wanted to continue with her new romance, but now had to decide if it was worth it.  How she felt about herself taking the new job versus how she felt about herself staying for a growing romance revealed her truth.   It was obvious to me that she would be much happier taking the new job given the answer to the question about how she felt about herself. But I can never judge these situations. Was she ready for what she’d been asking for during all of these years?  Did she have the courage to take a chance on herself? Or would she continue the pattern of living her life through how another person feels about her instead of how she felt about herself?

Answering the question: “How Do I Feel About Myself” has helped me personally in a tremendous way.  It has given me additional insight into myself as well and it has given me very clear direction to more happiness.  However, similar to my client, whether I have the courage to go in that direction is a totally different blogpost.   Although the direction of happiness is there for us, we still must make that choice and also consider if we are ready for it.   I will have to visit the theme of courage on a different day, but for now learning how to recognize “HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF” are tremendous first steps.

 

Thank you so much!

Shamalah-Allah

 

 

Each and every time I do a reading, it most often involves boundaries.  I am definitely not claiming to be the expert on boundaries, however, Spirit Guides and Angels give an awful lot of messages around them. For me, boundaries are a sensitive topic, I struggle with it all of the time. Hence the reason for this discussion.

“Boundary” By Fang Guo 2006

Simply put, boundaries are a part of how we define ourselves each and every day.  Self-fulfillment comes from proper boundaries and standards we set for ourselves.  Break your boundaries and you’ve compromised your happiness in hopes of getting something back. Whether we can admit it or not, in the long-run, most people expect some kind of gain for compromising themselves.  Also, it can be a challenge to even determine what boundaries we have and often times we don’t even know what they are until after things have gone awry.  We break our boundaries everyday.  Such as, accepting food and gifts that we don’t want. Tolerating sex or someone touching us that we don’t want.  We allow other people to define our reality or maybe we expect people to fulfill our needs automatically.

But there is good news! There is no need to worry about whether or not you’ve compromised your boundaries.  We don’t even have to worry about whether we have unhealthy boundaries or not. It’s more important to look at the attitude we have while trying to figure out our boundaries.  If we can look at life as a series of trials and errors that help us to gain more knowledge to better interact with each other, then maybe we can be less judgmental about everything and allow ourselves and others to learn what boundaries are best for each individual.

My clients will call all of the time and fall madly in love with someone after meeting them for the first time and loose complete control.  It can be easy to forget that to appropriate trust is important while building a relationship.  Or many people will just expect and want intimacy from a person after a couple of dates, without realizing that intimacy is usually a step by step process.  Putting a new acquaintanceship on hold until we check for compatibility is one skill I personally have yet to master. Another good boundary skill to have is  revealing a little of ourselves at a time and then checking for the other person’s reaction.  However, this is not something that is just done over night.  It takes many experiences in life to recognize and enact our boundaries.  The message here is to stop, breathe and take the time to allow yourself to figure out what those boundaries are so that relationships can become more fulfilling and happy for you instead of an obligation.

 

Spiritual guidance is very good at assisting us with boundaries in all areas of our lives such as family, work and parental obligations.  And what about boundaries with our usage of food, alcohol, sex and prescription medications?  The list can go on, right? Although as humans we tend to spend a lot of time in fantasy and we act on impulse and emotions, meditation and following a spiritual practice can assist us in recognizing our boundaries and show us who we are inside. As we follow our own truth in recognizing these boundaries, we can then authentically share ourselves with others and attract better relationships that are real and not phony baloney. We can also have a much easier time living a healthier life that is not riddled with stress.

Once we’ve figured out and acknowledged our boundaries and can stick by them, we are living in our power.  Living in power is truly an attractive trait.

 

Aromatherapy Recipe for Healthy Boundaries

Put 3 drops of Geranium oil

Put 3 drops of Frankincense oil and

Put 1 drop of Rose oil

all into the same tea light candle.

Light the tea light candle.

Allow to burn all the way down and out (2-3 hours).

While the tea light candle burns, find a safe ,warm, quiet spot to enjoy the aroma that fills the air.  Sit for 5-10 minutes.  Ask your guardian spirits to come closer to you and impart their wisdom in recognizing healthy boundaries for your life. Rest and take refuge. Enjoy the silence.

With Happiness,

Shamalah-Allah

Psychic-Medium and Healer

shamalah.com